ok- so this time more natural persona from tuesday scratch one, but story bit muddled, bumbling along. need to really focus on persona for the final show, and look at non-matrixed ideas, autobiographical self, conversational self, spalding gray. what to take from stand up- yes, elements of polishing up the story itself, but not the way it is told. work on developing and rehearsing a more structured script, editing some areas and more details in others, recording self over and over again so it feels entirely natural. the problem i'm having is its not the first time i've said it and its losing something in the re-telling; in places i think i sound bored even in places , too many, 'er, em', if I try to script it I can build in some of these elements. It was pointed out that I was more natural in the flower story part two (photograms) that's probably because it flows in natural, spontaneous real time, I'm not remembering lines or worried about saying the wrong thing, I just respond directly to the participant- i feel much more comfortable with this in this situation. Would it help me if the part one was less me speaking uninterrupted? The 6 to 1 ratio is also harder to work with- eye contact was something I didn't do very much and it was picked up by most people in the feedback. So, script development and practising into a dictaphone. The post grad forum cat wreath story was still the tidiest storytelling, easiest to follow and less tangential and hyper....it shouldn't be perfect and should allow for natural flaws in delivery but still be able to conjure up an atmosphere of round a campfire, enticing you to keep listening. i'm wondering if its a bit too formal in this part- especially the opening- 'my nan's last wish was...' and think of a more relaxed first line?
- possible use of photo of nan in album to introduce the photo album at the beginning which is brought out later for the cat wreath erasing? is this too obvious though- i quite like the mental visualising. Try it and see!
THE BIGGER QUESTION IS; DOES THE MOOD NEED TO MATCH FROM CAT WREATH STORY TO FLOWER STORIES?? THINK BACK TO SHED AS A VERB/NOUN/SAYINGS- SHED LOAD OF LAUGHS AND SHED YOUR TEARS??