Reflections on recent events

ok, so have been a little away from things here as i let myself have some restorative time post assessment, post EEC and post the recent passing of my blood father. this has meant i have finally finished gum thief by douglas coupland, and managed to hold concentration for once, not leaping off on a wild tangent whilst trying to hold a book still. the time recently has been one of pigeon holing thoughts pushing to the forefront things which excite and inspire me and to the back things more difficult to handle or absorb.the latter being things that i hope to work through to help me grow and strengthen in my self and my work.

the most revealing thing which has been whilst digesting my EEC performance,being with my family together sharing emotions, was that last weekend, whilst visiting family down that way, i went to see jordan mckenzies performance for rules and regs in southampton medieval vaults that lie under the city. we chatted before the performance started, and jordan told me the title of his piece, Dead Dad Club. when he told me the subject of the piece i was worried how i would react to experiencing it (and had i known before unsure whether i would have come along, a very private thing made public made me feel uneasy.) But, to actually be sharing this amongst strangers was a strangely comforting experience- there's only so much talking to your family and friends you can do at some points, and to be in a completely new situation in experiencing the bereavement process and impact through performance,and the aftermath discussion, gave me a new way to process things. from smelling the water and whiskey which my father also used to drink to the spotlight sensation when people look at their feet when you tell them. the wierdest bit was pinning on the Dead Dad Club badges we were asked to wear above ground before we went in- the non-club people i think became more awkward than the club people- and yes, looking at the floor. the experience was very odd, engaging and warming- and afterwards down the pub i found a different kind of chit chat where things could be out of the open in the club.

the connection here is how interested i am in the idea of collective, shared experiences, the commonality of human existance. from the contents of our pockets to the contents of shed, loved ones we grieve for, i like sharing in new ways the personal, heartfelt, perhaps usually unsaid, seemingly insignificant, or not yet tapped into.

there is something really macabre and odd about all this generating intimacy, and mortality of the image business i have got myself into but i think its true, as jordan has explored that life does feed your work, you ask questions in a collective environment. i have many people i wished to be closer to or have known better, my father for one- he was an artist, photographer but we very sadly didn't share this very much for many reasons. this is not that i see my work as therapy but i'm thinking about how it parallels for my life- i like having discovered being hyper harry in my performances as a contrast to the temporal image. i don't think this post is over yet but will leave it there for today, its all to help me in the next stage as i review where next in my practice...